Tobi Tales
by PeinKunx
Summary: Deidara and Tobi get themselves a sticky situation where Tobi's told to entertain a kid to pass time. How hard can that be? Rated T - possible swearing.


**Chapter One: The First Tale**

Smoke plumed from the roof, and an angry, middle aged man with a balding head yelled at Deidara, whilst Tobi idly swung his arms about and pretended he had no idea as to what was happening. In truth, he was terrified of the middle aged man, and instinct was telling him to flight instead of fight.

Deidara sighed and seemed to come to some terms of agreement with the man, whereas Tobi suddenly felt left out of the conversation. He watched as the pair turned towards him.

"Tobi, un, we've come to an agreement where I'll rebuild his house rather than be fined ¥3 million and face Kakuzu's wrath," Deidara sighed.

"Oh, do I get to help build the place?" Tobi jumped for joy.

"No," the man snapped and Tobi shrunk back. "That guy who blew it up will build it on his own. _You _have to look after my son whilst I continue running my business. I know you look creepy, but at least you don't carry explosives around with you."

"The only reason I blew up the place was because you sell overpriced food," Deidara growled.

"That's no reason – remember how much money you'd owe if I sued you," the man warned.

"Hmm… OK," Tobi said – for he was not a keen babysitter – and looked around. "Where is the little guy?"

"He's in the shed, cowering with fear from this idiot's bomb attack," the man snapped. "He could've died. You need to keep him entertained, or I'll give you a personal beating."

"Threatening violence is not a good influence on those around you," Tobi stressed. "But I'll look after your kid, either way."

The man pointed Tobi to the shed, where he walked with caution. Truly, Tobi hoped he was a little boy that was young enough to nap, so that Tobi himself could also take a nap and not have to apply any effort.

He peered into the shed and saw a boy that had to be about seven or eight. Maybe his nap was eliminated, but maybe the little tyke would enjoy adventure games instead.

"Hi," Tobi waved.

"Who are you?" the little boy sulked.

"I-I'm Tobi," he replied. "I've come to keep you entertained whilst your house is rebuilt."

"Was it your stupid friend who ruined my house?" the boy pouted.

"He may have ruined your house, but Senpai is not 'stupid'," Tobi said stiffly. "Either way, we'll forget about Daddy and Deidara and leave them to their adult business. How about we play an adventure game?"

"I don't want to go on an adventure with you," the child snapped.

Tobi ground his teeth. "Why not?"

"Because you're a pervert!" a finger of accusation was directed in his way.

"P-pervert!" Tobi sputtered. "No. No, I am not a pervert. We won't go an adventure, then. We'll stay here…"

Tobi didn't like how this kid was twisting his words. He sat with the boy and the pair of them sulked whilst Tobi tried to think of something else that he would enjoy, because let's just face it, whatever Deidara thought was childish, Tobi often found fun.

"If you don't make this situation at least slightly amusing," the kid began. "I'll go tell my Daddy and say that you did things."

"Where do you get this stuff from?" Tobi gawked. "And why are you blackmailing me?"

"Because I can," the kid smirked.

Tobi racked his brain, searching for all the things that he and children found funny. There were no toys in the shed, just dangerous objects that could hurt someone, and then Tobi had an idea. It was like a light bulb flickered on above his head. He looked at the cruel, piggy eyes of the kid and prepared himself.

"How about I tell you a story, then?" he offered.

"A story?" the kid frowned.

"Well, yeah, like fairy tales with princesses and dragons and knights who come save them," Tobi said eagerly.

"I don't like Cinderella and all those boring girly things," the kid sneered. "If you wanna tell me a story, it has to be exciting."

"I'll make one up then," Tobi growled and then contained himself quickly. "Yes, I'll tell you a story I made up completely, so that it'll be new and 'exciting'."

The kid regarded him for a moment, and then nodded, seemingly satisfied with this outcome. Tobi, however, really would need to rack his brains. He'd never intended to be creative, and instead just mindlessly prance around fighting fake dragons and fleeing from fake pirates, eating fake sweet foods and living in a pretend world. However, the little brat had other ideas and the threat of blackmail lingered in Tobi's mind.

"Alright then," Tobi settled. "I have a story in mind. Just don't interrupt me halfway through, because I don't want to forget any details of the story."

"Go on, then," the kid sighed. "I wanna hear the story."

"Once upon a time, there a lived a young boy called Tobio," Tobi began. "He lived in a majestic palace, with beautiful ornate furniture, pearly marble floors, and an incredible view of the ocean in the west wing. The palace had so many bedrooms and floors that you could lose count, and it even reached the clouds! There was an incredible fountain in its grounds of a dolphin that rose from the water and spurted the cool liquid back into the fountain.

"However, Tobio was no prince. As a matter of fact, he was the entertainment of every lively ball or other event the royal family held at the palace. Tobio was a jester, or a fool as others would say, but he was perfectly content with his life. He had good treatment and he was good friends with the princess. But one day, an evil wizard came to the palace and stole the princess. King Duncan, who was also Tobio's friend, pleaded the young fool to save his daughter from the evil wizard. Tobio agreed to do so, and-"

"This is such a lame story," the kid began to stand.

"L-lame?" Tobi stared. "I-I have so many more stories I can tell you."

"Well you better begin, because my threat still hangs between us," the kid folded his arms and sat back down.

Tobi inwardly groaned. He hoped Deidara was a fast builder…


End file.
